I am beginning this blog with a different approach as compared to how I write my others, with no direction, as I just felt compelled to write. Is anyone else's relationship with God a rollercoaster? That's a rhetorical question, of course it is. Up and down and up...well lately, I've been down. I've gotten to that scary point where one become's numb to sin. I know literally every Christian on the planet goes through these times as long as we currently inhabit our sinful flesh, but during such times it feels like you're alone in your sinful venture and everyone else is doing better in spite of you and would only cast you out if they've discovered what you've done.
God broke me tonight into tears and I know all too well what happens next. Repentence, growth, sanctification then...falling down again. I read the Old Testament and scoff at Israel and their foolishness as they forsake God, repent, get rescued, only to start the process all over again, and realize I'm just the same. And 'the fall' always seems to come when I'm 'trying my darndest' in my walk with God. When I'm in the Word more often than I usually am, or when I am more devoted to prayer. Seems the enemy of my soul only seems to attack when I am a threat, funny how that works. Or perhaps I am giving him too much credit and all my sinful follies are of my own devices rather than being persuaded by the lawless one, I am afterall, evil enough in it of myself to be compelled to such foolishness.
This is the cycle I am sure I will continue to go through until the day the Lord calls me home to His presence. After all, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." (1 John 1:8) Spiritual growth isn't like physical growth. It isn't a steady, constant upwards climb towards completetion. It's messy. It's growing up, then falling down a bit, then growing up a bit more, and falling down yet again. But we do have one assurance, "that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."(Phillipains 1:6)
I wrote this without as to any idea where it was going. I pray it is of some use to any who may come accross it. To be fully sanctified, that's all I truly want. The path is painful and has many potholes, if not sinkholes, that we will fall into. But we have One who is faithful to pull us out no matter how deep, how far, or how many times we fall.